If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Can i not drive my cunt home
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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