I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
