This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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