You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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