Im at strip club and am horny
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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