He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
