Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Even my vagina gasped.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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