I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
