i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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