this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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