So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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