you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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