You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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