If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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