and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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