You're earring is so big in my mouth
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
