remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
