i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
