Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
