When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You need Xanax blowdarts
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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