Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
