he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
