He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Shame - the story of my life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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