Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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