his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
