A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
