Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
