Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
