guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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