The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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