You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
