Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
