Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
