Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
