you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
