good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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