just tell him i said nine months
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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