It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
