I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
