i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
