VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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