I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
