I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
