at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
