We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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