ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
