Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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