The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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