I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
