So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!