do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.