i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.