I want to walk on stilts...naked
I look better un-naked...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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