I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan