You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
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I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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