she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nicole vs. Life
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Send help, water and tortillas.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
