remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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