I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
