puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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