I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
