My Higher Power is John Stamos
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
