chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
