Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
