She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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